Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2013 21:40:01 GMT -5
You can easily insert your quote here.
And hit enter for a new line.
You can add a maximum of 3 lines. SQUIRRELSTEP 40 moons · male · cliff· WARRIOR/DEP ∙ STRAIT ∙ full image- Pelt: Squirrelstep is a very light ginger in color, having a lot of light cream to light orange-red in a tiger like fashion. His fur is short, a bit rough, but not necessarily malnutrition...more like a lazy effort in grooming himself, it has a very gritty feel to it.
- Eyes: bright amber
- Build: Squirrelstep is a long legged lanky thing, but he isn't without muscle. His muscle structure is that of a lean cat, he is strong and able to jump and climb with ease, but he lacks the bulky muscle and weight of larger- more intimidating cats.
- Other: Squirrelstep is not without scars, but they are not abundant either. He has a notch missing in his ear from a little scuffle with another clan cat and a few minor- hardly noticeable- scars on his legs from his younger more careless years.
- Brief Description: light, faded ginger, amber eyes. Lean and lanky.
appearance - General: Squirrelstep is a very active cat, he does not enjoy being lazy or sitting idle, in fact it is rare that you can find him sitting still. Although that is not necessarily how he got his name, it is a fitting title due to his restlessness as well as his uncanny ability to climb trees and rocks. He is a rather stoic feline devoid of even the smallest of humor, although sarcasm is not a rarity with him. He tends to use a sharp, pointed method of speech that often finds others wondering if he is upset with them- even if he isn’t. Squirrelstep is always watching and listening, he may be moving (in some way) while doing so but he has learned to tune out his own noises and focus on other things. When in gatherings he is often the cat that barely says a word, but is sitting quietly, observing everything he can. He is a bit of a daredevil, often taking the road less traveled- even by his clan-mates, but he does so knowing that he is capable of handling the terrain without incident. Squirrelstep is extremely confident in his abilities as a climber- much like the squirrel he is named after, for this reason he can also be known as a fearless climber or a foolish one. His arrogance knows no bounds as he is often criticizing everyone- including him. He is shockingly impatient and does not like to be kept waiting on anything- even for his prey to get into position.
Squirrelstep would never willingly- or knowingly- put anyone in his clan in danger and thus is very strict with his apprentices- and although he loves teaching, he hates apprentices as well. It is widely known amongst the cliffclan that he has exceedingly high expectations of any of his apprentices, mostly due to the fact that he is a risk taker and he predicts his charge to try and show off- a trait he easily puts to a stop. He is careful with his charges, teaching them the basics and working up- the tom spends more time on teaching them to climb and hunt but then again, he feels they are a key aspect of fighting. Despite his lack of muscular bulk, he is a cat that commands attention and respect and will take no less from anyone but the leader or an elder. Despite this, he is extremely respectful himself, elders and kits are always first in his mind, with his leader right after them, and in his list he is always last.
- Things Squirrelstep Enjoys
- running and climbing
- helping his clan
- intelligence in others and learning
- being respected and being in charge
- Things Squirrelstep Hates
- stupidity and power hungry individuals
- storms...rain in general
- self doubt and others showing off
- disrespectful cats
- reckless individuals.
- Squirrelstep's Habits
- He opens and shuts his mouth when irritated or angry.
- He is constantly moving- twitching his tail, shuffling his paws, flicking his ears etc.
- ShadowHeart's Positive Traits
- He is quiet and observant
- Fearless climber
- He is agile and confident in himself
- He is extremely loyal and respectful, putting others above himself
- Authoritative, but willing to listen to others.
- ShadowHeart's Negative Traits
- Moody and extremely impatient with everything.
- Overly critical of himself and especially of others
- Can be seen as a 'negative nancy'
- is too strict on his apprentices
- is a bit of a risk taker and a horrible swimmer.
personality - History: Squirrelstep has no important history, he is just a cat in Cliffclan that has built a reputation on being a superb climber and an excellent teacher when it comes to getting younger cats to believe in themselves and become decent (at the very least) climbers. His parents are alive; although he does not talk to them much now, except when necessary as they fret and worry and scold him on his reckless endeavors around the cliffs. The only even remotely significant part of his history is the apprentice that was killed under his watch- a reason he is extremely cautious with his apprentices. The apprentice had been bold and although she had known the basics of climbing and showed exceptional talent and promise, she thought she was ready for the harder climbs that even Squirrelstep had difficulty with (at the time). To put it briefly, she had made an error while Squirrelstep was not with her, dislodging a rock she had been landing on, causing both her and the rock to tumble- ultimately crushing her. It was Squirrelstep who found her.
- Family/Relatives
- Father-tigerfur-
- mother- shellflower-
- brother-foxclaw- dead
|
[/ul]
[/div][/div] background [/div] [/td][/tr][/tbody][/table] This template was created by Mykolai of SBPlease do not remove credits. [/div] |
|
|
|
Post by jori on Aug 26, 2013 17:55:50 GMT -5
pending! I. please edit the following: Hey Shadow, I hope you don't mind but there's a few things I'd like to see fixed before your bio is accepted. Please try to remember that I'm not trying to say any of this to be mean; I hold everyone to the same standards when judging bios and it's only to make the character - and the roleplay - better.
I'll start off with the history - CliffClan was formed 146 moons ago; thus, it had already been established for over a hundred moons before he was a twinkle in his mother's eye. Thus, it is not possible for his family to have been one of the first to die along the cliffs; perhaps his brother was physically disadvantaged and slipped to his death, or maybe it was another cat in the clan - but they hardly would have been the first to do so. This way, he can still keep this experience to shape him into a serious and focused cat. I also noticed that your bio is a bit full of needless deaths, and I'd like to advise against that. The chance that his family would all die, leaving him alone, is incredibly small. You can still keep characters in as NPCs; not every history has to be full of needless accidental deaths, and they often are.
Next, the personality - as a clan, CliffClan is serious. You note that CliffClan cats indulge in witty banter and jokes, but in fact they are the least likely to do so.
I'd like to see Shadowheart fleshed out a bit more; from what I see here, I can tell that Shadowheart is serious and quiet, albeit enthusiastic about training, and once you get to know him, friendly. This character archetype is used a lot; perhaps you could write more about some positive personality traits aside from "friendly once you get to know him. Here (click) is a list of positive traits you can look through; I'm sure some will match with Shadowheart.
Finally, the name - it doesn't fit his personality. Shadow- is a fine prefix, but suffix should generally match skill, personality, or should emphasis their coloration. -heart is a suffix used to describe an outspoken cat with an idealistic notion of right and wrong; you seem to be using a method of naming that draws from the prefix when creating a suffix. If you'd like, there's a list of suffixes here (click) to help you out. Another thing; when writing their name, the first letter is the only thing that should be capitalized (Shadowheart, not ShadowHeart).
I really hope you aren't discouraged by this; if you want help, feel free to ask us in the c-box or PM any of the staff team (we all have red names on the boards). I'm really excited to see Shadowheart more fleshed out; I'd love to learn more about him!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2013 19:31:19 GMT -5
edited
|
|
|
|
Post by ★NATSU on Aug 26, 2013 20:14:21 GMT -5
|
|
