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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2013 20:31:45 GMT -5
The moon shines in the dark sky,
but not every night.
So when it does, admire its beauty. Moonpelt 15 moons · Female · pineclan · stray ∙ straight ∙ http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mapi4db2551rwr8w4o1_400.jpg - Pelt: Light grey
- Eyes: Light green
- Build: Is strong but doesn't look very muscular
- Other: Scar under her left eye
- Brief Description: Short grey fur, light green eyes
appearance - General: Moonpelt loves to be around others. She loves to meet new cats and act very kindly to them, especially new kits. Even though she gets annoyed very easily she can control her anger.
- Things Moonpelt Enjoys
- Being with others
- Going out at night
- Going on short walks by herself
- Things Moonpelt Hates
- When others aren't happy
- Being alone too long
- Sudden noises
- Moonpelt's Habits
- Making sure everyone is alright and not harmed
- Moonpelt's Positive Traits
- Good hunter
- Kind
- Understanding
- Moonpelt's Negative Traits
- Anxiety when left alone for too long
- Jealous very easily
- Annoyed very easlily
- Places Moonpelt likes to be
- In open areas
- By waterfalls
- Ontop of hills
personality - History: Living the kittypet life was easy for Moonpelt. She was guaranteed food everyday, a soft bed to sleep in and the comfort of family. Her mother, Greypelt, gave her the name Moonpelt because of her light grey fur and for Moonpelt's love of the moon. Her green eyes come from her dad who looks just like her but with black on the tip of his toes, and that's how he got the name Darktoe, and he has a black stripe down his back. During the day, Darktoe would tell stories to Moonpelt and her brother Blackstripe about how he was a warrior in the forest. Greypelt just told them he was making it up, but Moonpelt and Blackstripe believed their father. During the night, Moonpelt would go outside and walk around the backyard alone and look at the moon. But one night, her love of being outside alone in the dark changed. Some creature jumped up and over the fence into the yard Moonpelt was resting in. It quietly came up behind her and picked her up in its mouth. She meowed at the top of her lungs and the creature dropped her and scratched her under her left eye, leaving a scar. The creature continued to push her until her father came out and scared it away. Ever since then, she hasn't gone out at night.
Moons passed and Moonpelt still likes to go outside, but only with her parents or her brother. She loves the outdoors, but is also afraid of it. One day she is out with Blackstripe and she notices a hole in the fence. She showed Blackstripe and they poked their heads out but then went back inside, thinking about all the things out there. A few sunhighs later, Moonpelt and her brother woke up and there was no sign of their father. They went over to their mother and saw she was deeply saddened. She told them the twolegs have tooken Darktoe away. About a moon later, Moonpelt and Blackstripe found Greyfur dead on the floor. Blackstripe told Moonpelt it was probably from Darktoe being gone. The twolegs picked up their mother and went away with her. Moonpelt could tell that Blackstripe was getting very emotional with their parents going away. Blackstripe told moonpelt that he didn't want to stay with the mean twolegs and insisted they go out into the woods. Moonpelt uncertainly agreed and they went out from the hole in the fence and started their journey into the woods. Blackstripe kept assuring Moonpelt that they would find one of those clans that their father always talked about. But Moonpelt was worried because Darktoe never said if the clans took kindly to kittypets. As they were walking around aimlessly in the wilderness, Moonpelt taught herself how to hunt. She got very good at it while Blackstripe looked for shelter and protected them from whatever tried to harm them. Moonpelt figured that outside of the twolegs' home that it would be rough, just not this rough. The one thing that was always on her brain was if something were to happen to Blackstripe, she would be all alone. She thought if she could find a camp that would take her in, everything would be all better. Or if she found her father it would make both of their lives so much better. But things are alright for now because she has company of her brother. At sunhigh one day, Moonpelt and Blackstripe were still walking and Moonpelt heard a noise from a bush and jumped back. A cat emerged from the bush and cautiously stepped forward to them begging Moonpelt and Blackstripe no to harm him. Moonpelt told the cat that they weren't going to in any way and the male cat introduced himself as Oddeye. He said he was a kittypet and got his name from his different colored eyes. All three walked together in the valley until they came up to a forest of pine trees. Oddeye told them not to go in there because of a clan that lives there. He said that he isn't sure about if they accept stray cats. Moonpelt said that if the clan takes them in, their lives would become better, but still the boys rejected the decision. The boys told her that if she goes in, they are leaving back to the valley. Moonpelt didn't want to be alone but she wanted to see if the clan would let her in. She told the boys that she's going to go in. They nodded and turned away. Moonpelt stared into the thick woods, hoping what her father said about the clans were true, and headed into the forest.
- Family/Relatives
- Mother: Greyfur
- Father: Darktoe
- Sibling: Blackstripe (Brother)
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Post by ♥ BEAU on Aug 27, 2013 21:49:01 GMT -5
pending! I. please edit the following: a) First of all, your name is non-traditional. For a list of suitable prefixes, please check our Suggested Prefix thread in this same board.
b) If she is in Pineclan, she is not a stray. She would be a warrior. However, I also take this back, as you cannot make a kittypet, loner, or rogue joining the clan as a free character; you have to buy it in the shop.
c) Tumblr is not a place to search for images. Look for the Creative Commons checked Flickr and Deviantart images.
d) Her personality is too positively placed. You need to equal out the amount of positive and negative traits- and they can't conflict either. Instead of just being 'kind and loving with a hint of annoyance,' you can make her 'kind, loving, stubborn, has a mouth on her,' so on and so forth.
e) Mostly, she seems like a mary-sue. You need to balance out all of her traits with the good and the bad. No one is perfectly happy all the time, unless they're some idiot character that can't get a clue.
f) Your history. Needs to be changed. As I said earlier, you need to buy a kittypet joining a clan. You can make her half-clan as your first character. That is fine. You cannot have her as a kittypet that joins Pineclan, though. Another note on your history- why would the mother be naming her children after clan names? She would be naming them with twoleg names or with one part ones.
g) The 'creature' in her history wouldn't just scratch her for no reason. Was it trying to play around, or try to kill her? If it was some dog, it could run away, but I still don't understand this.
h) Darktoe is not a traditional name, nor would the suffix -toe ever be acceptable as traditional.
i) The history is ridiculous. You need to change it completely. I don't mean to be harsh, but there is nothing else I can say. |
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